Turning 6…

A while ago I had a conversation with someone and they made the following statement to me.

Divorce is more difficult to deal with than death. Because with death you grieve for like a year and then you get over it. With divorce you have to deal with that person every day.

I was literally speechless after that comment. Well not speechless. There was so much that I wanted to say but I realized that the words I wanted to say wouldn’t have even been heard by the other person. They were so wrapped up in themselves that nothing I could have even said would have made a difference.

I can’t speak what it is like to go through a divorce….but I can speak what it is like to walk through losing Gavin. There isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think about him. Sure most days I can keep my emotions in check and make through the days with out issue. However if I allow to let myself to stop and think of Gavin. To remember how he used to call me “Daddy-o”… To remember how he and I used to sit on the couch and just snuggle and talk. How I used to care for him in way that no other parent cares for their child. When I do that the tears well up in my eyes and my heart just aches for more moments with him.

Today Gavin turns 6. Typing that takes my breath away… Part of me feels like it was just yesterday that I held him in my arms for the first time… I can still remember seeing his tiny little body for a few brief minutes before they whisked him away to the NICU, and yet there is the other part of me that it seems it was so long ago. But no matter how I am feeling whatever the day.. I still will always miss Gavin. Because of Gavin’s life and his death Karen and I are able to carry on his legacy through raising Madison, Angela, and now Jayden.

So I will always remember Gavin, in every bed time prayer I say with Madison, in every snuggle I give to Angela, and in every push of the swing that Jayden is in… Gavin is in those moments. He will never be forgotten in our family. He will never lose a place on our walls of pictures, nor in our hearts and minds. Because of his life, I am able to love my children more deeply than I could ever imagine.

Happy Birthday Gavin… I love you and I miss you.

Movie from Gavin’s Funeral… from Adam & Karen Owens on Vimeo.

5 Responses to “Turning 6…”

  1. Jason Vana
    June 14, 2012 at 8:16 am #

    Beautiful post, Adam!

  2. Michelle
    June 14, 2012 at 8:48 am #

    Hi Adam,

    I follow you and your lovely wife on instagram. Just wanted to say from the outside looking in from a complete stranger I get so much joy from the moments of your family I get to see through your online tidbits. So beautiful and so inspirational. Thanks for being such a light. Jesus bless you guys today. I commented on your wife’s post today that I hope I get to catch a glimpse of your reunion with your sweet gavin.

  3. Marina
    June 14, 2012 at 12:31 pm #

    Happy birthday to Gavin! I’m so honored to have been able to meet him and to be a small part to your family (even it was just fancy hair!! ) I love you all very much! Your strength gives me strength. Xo

  4. Brandon
    June 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm #

    I don’t even know where to begin. I love you, your heart, and the way you just bare your sould for everyone to see. It’s inspiring, beautiful, and challenging all at the same time. I love your honesty in your story and journey with Gavin and dealing with his passing and I have so much respect for you and Karen and the way you live your lives.

    I am so honored to have been able to hang out with you and your family for a few days and I can’t wait to do it again so I can meet Jayden, he seems like such a cool dude. I think of Gavin a lot because he and Brayden are the same age and how they could have easily been friends because, hey, with two awesome dads like us why wouldn’t they?

    Happy birthday Gavin – I know you are whooping it up in heaven with your awesome hair and bringing imeasurable joy to those around you.

  5. Jon
    June 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm #

    Dude…I feel like I’ve been a crappy friend! Thanks for baring your heart out..for continuing to share your story…for being vulnerable.

    Happy happy birthday Gavin.

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